So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
