the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
