bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
