1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My bed smells like the plague
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
