dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
