Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
