Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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