we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
