ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
