Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
