I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
