The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
