matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Porn is love you can see.
Do vagina's smell?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
