ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
