i don't like sucking hair
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
