just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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