you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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