you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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