went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
