So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's great music for shaving your balls
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have feelings that need drinking.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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