I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
