I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
