well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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