I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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