She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
