We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
