Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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