You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
