he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
