what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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