i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
