Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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