Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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