how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
