I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
