remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
