I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Too much gin, very little bucket
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
