I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
