I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we're so committed to being not committed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
