piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
