i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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