My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
