my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
