Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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