you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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