im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
