cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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