New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
