ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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