saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is my gift to your gina
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
