I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
