She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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