You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I puked a lego.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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