BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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