I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i have two assholes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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