i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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