I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
