That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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