please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
