My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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