Kiss
Puke
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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