so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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