WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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