I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
