help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
