she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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