We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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