when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
