All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
