so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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