took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
